Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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