all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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