he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
