So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
