Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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