So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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