"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
