she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
