I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my shit smells like andre
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
