fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
