I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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