i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
