Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
