What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
