he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
