I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
is it fun? or sober?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
