He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
