Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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