forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
