babies were throwing up all over the place
My balls are so social today.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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