Can Purell be used as lube?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
