when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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