OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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