So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
