whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
