just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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