you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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