my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The uberlube is also flammable
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
