i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
