Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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