Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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