my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
