You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
