He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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