Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
