Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
