I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
