A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
