i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
