Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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