i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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