hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
