How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
this hospital has no fireball
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
