How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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