I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
