sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
