I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
