everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
