i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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