i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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